


A killers requiem

by littlemissstark315



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2019-08-21 21:44:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16584752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemissstark315/pseuds/littlemissstark315
Summary: Honestly I just needed a place to store my story, this is a part of a three book series I’m writing.Book one- Marshall Crawford is the perfect husband and father but they don’t don’t his dark, sinister secret.Book two-after the untimely death of his wife Marshall’s mind unravels into maddest, leaving the police to figure out who’s behind the murders of several women.Book three-for years marshlls has been better, been on medication but when he needs a new dose change life gets in the way and he can totally handle a month or two without it. He can’t and goes back to his murdering ways, his mind shattering into insanity and the same murdering happening again.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter one   
Mason

I kept checking my pocket, making sure the ring box was still there. My dad was the only one that knew about this. He helped pick out a ring for Delilah.

I was going to ask her to marry me, after nearly three years going steady, buying our own apartment together. I really believe she is the one, she makes me want to be a better person. She’s a certified EMT now, working long and often unstable hours while I managed to become an assistant store manager, still unsure of what I wanted to do with my life.

I know I don’t want to work in a grocery store my entire life but I don’t know what to do with my life, I’m sure I’ll figure it out.

I checked the ring, making sure it was still sitting snug in its spot. It was a simple ring, just a gold band with a diamond. I couldn’t afford anything fancier than that. My dad kept trying to pay for a higher priced ring for me but I refused. I wanted to be the only one buying that ring.

I put the box back in my pocket, Snelling the spaghetti dinner Dad and Carol were cooking. I straightened my tie in the mirror and let out a breath.

God was I nervous.

Morgan keeps telling me I have nothing to worry about and she’s probably right, she’s like Mom in a lot of ways. One of them being she seemed to always be right.

I walked out of my old room and down the stairs. I could hear Max shriek with laughter, Mikey’s laughter following before I finally was down the stairs far enough to see Dad walk into the living room from the kitchen.

“Be careful Mikey, remember he’s a lot smaller than you.” Dad scolded gently. Mikey pouted. “I was being careful.” Dad sighed. “I’m sure you were, I’m just reminding you.” He saw me, smiling. “Oh hey son, got the ring ready?” I nodded. “Safe in my pocket. Her shift ends in about an hour, unless something happens.” He smiled a little softer. “I can’t believe it. My baby is all grown up.” I chuckled, rolling my eyes. “I’ve been grown for a while.” “I know, I just get emotional when something big happens in you kids lives. You saw me when we had to drop Morgan off for college.”

I nodded. “I know, it wasn’t a complaint.” Dad let out a breath. “I hate to ask but while Carol and I are putting together dinner would you watch Mikey with max? He says he’s being careful but you how you guys can be.” Dad finished, giving me a look, remembering when I would wrestle with Mikey and Mom would scold us. “I do. It’s no problem.”

I sat on the couch, max walking a bit wobbly toward me, little glasses firmly on his face and a big smile. I chuckled as I picked him up. “Hey bud, how you doing?” He just cooed, still having trouble talking.

He didn’t start showing issues until he was little over a year old. He not only seemed to have a harder time than normal learning to walk, he ran into things a lot and when playing with a toy would often bring it close to his face. The doctor warned us he may have some damage from his lack of oxygen at birth, being stuck in my mothers birth canal when she suffered a severe heart attack in labor.

He’s only shown impaired vision and walking but we’ve noticed he’s had a hard time learning to talk properly but the doctor says he will learn, it just may take longer than most toddlers his age.

He grabbed my finger and played with it. Mikey just laughed. “He’s playing with your finger!” I laughed with him. “Yep, you got that right!” I bounced max and he laughed. Green eyes bright behind his little glasses.

Morgan, unfortunately couldn’t be here today. Her college break doesn’t start until May and right now it was a chilly March 24th. It couldn’t decide if it wanted to snow or rain so it did both.

I sent a text to Delilah while the boys were playing, to meet me at my dads house, he’s having a special dinner.

It was a little while before she responded, which made me worry. As my dad came in to check on Max, Delilah called me.

I took it, answering it quickly. “Hey, everything ok?” “Yeah, I’m fine.” She sounded tired and defeated. Frowned, worrying. “Sure you’re ok? You don’t sound it.” She was quiet before she started talking. “Just had a bad day. There was a car accident of a family of five. No survivors. The kids were all under ten.” Her voice got thick but she continued. “I couldn’t do anything to help them. They were all dead by the time we got there. God, there was so much blood.” She cried on the line.

I hated having these emotional talks on the phone, they made me feel so helpless to help her. I couldn’t hold her or stroke her hair. “My dads making spaghetti, your favorite. Maybe it’ll help you forget about it.” “Yeah. Maybe. I’m sorry I’m blubbering about this. I have to learn to Handel this better.” “You just saw a family of five die, I don’t think that’s something you’re going to get used to. Are you done for the day?”

“Yeah. Just arrived back at HQ, I’ll be at your dads house in about a half hour.” “Good. See you soon, drive safe out there, this weather is awful.” “I will. And Mason?” “Yeah?” There was a pause before she spoke shakily. “I love you.” “I love you too.”

We both hung up after that when I saw Both Carol and my dad staring at me. Carol frowned. “Is Delilah ok? Sorry, I overheard some of the conversation.” My Dad looked just as worried when I answered them. “She’s fine, just shaken up. She worked on a car accident scene, no survivors, family of five.”

My Dad took in a breath as he held Max who was sucking his thumb. “That’s horrific. How is she handling it?” “Ok I guess. She’s pushing through. She’s not avoiding how it made her feel.” Carol came in and sat down. “That’s good.” She leaned against the back of the couch when Mikey vaulted onto the couch, snuggling into her. She gasped but laughed. “Hey buddy.”

  
While my dad was draining the water from the pasta in the kitchen, I heard Delilahs car park in front of our house. Mikey got excited, tuning to the door. “Auntie Delilah is here!” I got up.

“Hey, She’s had a bad day, be gentle ok?” Mikey nodded as he opened the door as she was walking up the porch, her mess of blonde curls in her winter cap as she walked in with a smile. Mikey hugged her carefully. “I heard you had a bad day.”

Delilah looked as bad as she sounded over the phone. Her eyes were red rimmed and still glassy. She sniffled as she spoke to Mikey, hugging him back. “I did Mikey, thank you for the hug.”

She saw me, walking over still in her EMT uniform and gently collapsing herself into my shoulder and chest. I wrapped her up in my arms quickly, hugging her tightly. “Hey, you did good today. You tried.” She was quiet. “Let’s get you into comfy clothes.” She nodded then looked at me. “You looked dressed up.” I felt nervous, remembering what lay in my back pocket. “Work needed me for a few hours today, I just haven’t changed.” She bought the lie as I gently led her upstairs to the spare clothes we keep here.

She changed into sweatpants and a hoodie, her hair up in its messy bun of curls. By the time we were both downstairs dinner was done and on the table.

Max was in his high chair while Carol cut up the spaghetti for him, my dad getting pasta onto Mikey’s plate as we sat down.

We all made small talk, Dad and Carol trying to cheer Delilah up which seemed to help somewhat.

Once everyone was done eating I decided this was it, This was the moment. I took a breath and took her hand. “Delilah.” She looked at me curiously. “Yeah?” I moved, getting down on one knee. I felt all eyes on me, a few gasps, Delilah being one of them.

She took in a breath. Staring at me in shock. “Mason..” I got the ring out from my back pocket, opening the box. “Delilah, you have changed my life in so many ways, you make me want to be a better person. I love you and I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. Delilah, will you marry me?”

Delilah smiled with tears in her eyes. “Yes, Oh my god. Yes.” I smiled, putting the ring on her finger before kissing her. Hearing clapping around me. Carol and Dad looked proud and Mikey was smiling. “Does this mean auntie Delilah is really my aunt?” Dad chuckled, answering. “I think so buddy.”

Once everything settled and we started eating other things came to my mind. For a while now I’ve been thinking of joining the army but put that to the back of my mind, putting proposing to Delilah as priority.

Now that that’s over the thought about joining the army is taking over. Would she agree? Would my dad and Carol be ok with it? I’m not sure if can do it if my dad doesn’t give me his blessing.

I think Delilah noticed when I drifted into my own head. While we got ready for bed ( staying over my dads house) she brought it up, her blonde curls in a messy bun. “Are you ok? Since you popped the question you’ve been a little distant.”

I sighed as I got into bed. “I just have a lot on my mind. About my future.” She frowned. “Is everything ok with us?” I perked up, holding her hands. “Yes! Yes, everything is perfect, it’s not us. I want to join the army.” She didn’t frown or looked shocked. She just nodded. “Ok. Just…why? What’s your reasoning?”

She didn’t say it with a tone, she was genuine. “Well id be doing good for my country and giving you a good life, even if I won’t be home very often. I have no interest in collage and I don’t want to waste my time and money for a degree I’ll hate or never use.” She nodded with a small smile. “Then I support you. I’ll miss you and I’ll worry but if this is what you really want to do I won’t stop you. I mean, I technically put my life at risk everyday so I can’t say too much.”

I smiled, kissing her quickly. “I love you so much.” She smiled. “I love you too.” “I’ll probably talk to my dad tomorrow, I’m not sure I can do it without his blessing.” “I’m sure he’ll be ok with it. Let’s just try to sleep.”

That following morning I was up bright and early to meet my dad, making a pot of coffee, really trying to butter him up before I tell him I want to join the army.

As the coffee was done I heard the garbled words from Max and Dad walking in with him in his arms.

My dad saw me as he held max with a smile. “Oh Mason, you’re up early.” He placed Max down in his play area in the living room before coming back. As he came back in I handed him a mug of coffee

He took it with a raised eyebrow. “Is something going on?” I sighed. “I want to join the army.” My dad just stared, his hand holding the coffee mug frozen in the air before he placed it down. I panicked. “Please say something, I don’t think I can do this if I don’t have your blessing.”

My dad was still quiet, it felt like an eternity before he said something. “Why?” He said like Delilah, curious with no tone. “Well I have no interest in any college, there’s no career in them I like and I don’t want to waste that kind of money on a school or job I’ll end up hating. I..” I sighed shakily, fidgeting with my hands. “I want to be apart of something bigger than myself. I want to do some good and serve our country.” I let out a breath. “There. I’m done.”

My dad nodded. “Seems you thought this through.” I nodded. “I have.” He sighed. “You know we’re all going to worry sick about you.” “I know. I’m sorry.”

My dad poured his coffee. “With how much you thought about this I give you my blessing.” I perked up. “Really?” My dad smiled but looked sad . “Yeah. I’m going to worry but if you really want to do this I won’t stop you.” I smiled. “Thank you.”

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited because I’m too exhausted and lazy to do it right now.

Marshall

“Dad I think I need glasses.”   
Morgan said on the other side of the phone. She called during a rather important meeting that I had to step aside from. She almost never calls me during the week, just weekends and I tried to ignore the panicky sounding text from her but when she called my fatherly side took over and politely excuse myself.

“Why do you think you need glasses? Are you ok?” “For the past week I’ve had migraines, I can barely read my books in front of me and certain things are blurry. What do I do? I don’t think our insurance is accepted in this state, I can’t afford to go to the eye doctor out of pocket-“ “Morgan, calm down. You’re spring break is in about a week right?” “Yeah. “Well we can make an appointment when you come home, I promise we’ll Handel this.” I heard Morgan sigh on the other side. “Ok. I just have to get through this week. I have so much homework to do.” “For now try Advil or a headache medication.” “Ok. I’ll try. Thanks dad, sorry about calling you at work. It was the panick attack.” “I know and it’s ok. Just rest and do what you can.” “Ok. Thanks dad. Love you.” “Love you too.”

I hung up, walking back into the room with a smile. “Sorry, small family emergency but it’s handled, now where were we?”

I didn’t get home until near seven, the sun almost set and bits of snow still stubborn.

I parked inside the garage and got out, feeling exhausted as I walked up the basement stairs and it It he kitchen. I heard the TV. “I’m home.” I called out.

Mikey came running in, hugging me. “Daddy! You’re home late!” I chuckled, hugging back. “I know, meetings ran late but I’m here now. We’res mom?” Mikey smiled as he released me. “Putting max to bed. He was being cranky.” I nodded as I walked further into the house, taking my coat off. “Did you have dinner?” “Yeah, there’s some left for you.”

Mikey went back into the living room after our conversation as I started to take my tie off and place my brief case on the kitchen table.

As I walked to the fridge Carol came in, sick covered feet leaving soft pitter-pats on the floor as she brought her arms around my waist. “Work run long?” I smiled I as turned in her embraced bringing my own arms around her. “Unfortunately. Tomorrow I need to talk to the insurance, Morgan called me in a panic today. She needs glasses.” Carol smiled. “I bet she’d look adorable with glasses.”

I smiled with her as I turned, getting some leftovers from the fridge. “Agreed but right now she’s having a rough time. Migraines and the like. But she’ll be up here in a week so I told her we could just get her eyes checked while she’s here. But I have no idea where to go. We’ve never needed to use our vision so I’m not sure who accepts us.” Carol nodded as she moved away, letting me move as I got my food and closed the fridge. She sighed. “I can see the problem there.”

Suddenly the plate of meat and potatoes was taken out of my hands by Carol who was smiling. “Go change out of your work clothes, I will warm this up for you.” I smiled, leaning in and kissing her. “Tea too?” She smiled. “Of course. Now go.”

It took my ten minutes to change, handing my pants and shirt on their hangers in the closet before fishing a “John-Hopkins” sweatshirt I had gotten her first day there along with sweatpants to match.

I then wash my face, feeling the stress of the day wash away down the drain. I saw my bottle of Zoloft on the sink and looked, seeing there was a weeks worth left. Plenty of time to call it in. I’ll have to do that after I get done with the insurance company.

Once I was downstairs I went to the doing room but Carol stopped me, seeing me from the kitchen. “Nope! Living room!” I gave her a playful look as I walked to sit on the couch, nearly melting into its comfort as she handed me a warm plate of food and placed my mug of tea on the coffee table in front of us.

I looked over at her with a smile. “You are the best.” Carol chuckled as she got the TV remote. “Enough flattery, eat. You’ve had a long day.” She turned on the TV and found Hells Kitchen was on, it’s become a staple in our house, when the children are asleep.

After eating the plate of food and two episodes of Hell’s Kitchen I was dozing off on the couch. Carol smiled, looking just as tired. “Com’on, it’s bedtime.” She said, leaving the plate on the table as she held my hand, leading me up the stairs.

We brushed our teeth together in our bathroom, taking the Zoloft as I do every night and followed her to bed, getting under he covers and falling asleep with our feet tangled together in sheets and blankets .

 


	3. Chapter 3

April

 

Marshall

 

The day started out chaotic. It was the day of Masons going away party. He was going to basic training for nearly four months. It was a jugling act, Carol was in charge of the cake and making sure the hall we rented was decorated and ready for food and guests while I took care of Mikey and max.

 

 

My day started, not when carol woke up to get the cake and make sure the hall is ready but when mikey came jumping on the bed. “daddy! Wake up! It’s Masons party!’ I groaned as he very nearly jumped on my stomach. “I know, Mikey, get off the bed, please.” Mikey did with a smile as I sat up, suddenly hearing max crying from down the hall.

 

I got up, Mikey looking at the bed. “where did mom go?” I looked at him as I started walking out the bedroom door. “she went to get his cake. She has to make sure everything is set.” “oh.”

 

I walked into the bedroom and saw Max standing at his crib crying his little eyes out. I frowned, getting his little glasses from the dresser. “hey big boy, whats wrong?” I asked as I went over and started placing the glases on his face. He struggled a little, he always does but hes always happy once They’re on but he kept whimpering, I picked him up to check his diaper. “lets get you a clean one.”

 

I changed his diaper and he still was upset. He must be hungery then. I took him downstairs, getting one of his semi-solid foods and sitting on the couch with him, helping him eat. He was much more calm now, happily eating.

 

Along with a going away party it was also, technicly a wedding but on a much smaller scale. Morgan and Carol were out making sure anything for the small cermony was taken care of, including her dress, flowers, preist. There was somuch going on it was overwehlming.

 

I watched MIkey and Max, made Mikey a breakfast. With max in his play area, I started cleaning the house when Mikey ran over. “can I go play with Gavin?” “yes but be back by Two, your brothers party starts at four and we have to be there early.” Mikey smiled. “Ok! I will!” he said as he grabbed his spiderman hodie and ran out the door.

 

Mikey was gone for most of the morning, playing with his friend. When I started gathering laundery, max down for a nap, I heard crying outside and a knock on the door.

 

I rushed to the door, seeing Mikey, gavin and Gavins mother. Mikey was the one crying, holding his arm. I opened the door and kneeled down to him. “what happend?” gavins mother spoke up. “they got a little rough while playing pirates. Mikey fell off the playset. It’snot broken but he did get a few nsty scrapes.” I looked at her. “is Gavin ok?” “hes fine, they were just play fighting and poor MIkey didn’t see the edge of the playset.” Gavin frowned. “are you mad at me?”

 

I smiled at him. “No, it was just an accident and accidents happen. I’ll take care of his scrapes, thank you.” Gavins mother nodded with a smile. “good. I’m glad hes ok.” she sheld gavins hand. “gavin, com’on.”

 

His mother genly ushered him away while I got mikey inside who was still sniffling. I got him upstairs, sitting on the closed toilet. I kneeled down. “let me see.” Mikey sniffled, tears still falling down his face as he took his hand away, reveling a very nasty scrap. I smiled, trying to make him feel better. “oh thats nothing, just needs a bandaid.”Mikey sniffled, wiping his face as I cleaned and put a bandage overtop. I looked at the time on my watch and nearly cursed. “We need to get dressed. Com’on, let’s get your suit on.”

 

The rest of the time went by in a blur. Between getting Mikey and Max, ready, making sure max had all his things in his baby bag and getting stuck in traffic for nearly an hour.

 

When we got to the hall, walking inside with the two boys I saw Carol, looking beautiful as ever as she was putting up decorations in bare feet and a floral dress, her heels sitting somewhere.

 

Morgan saw us first, jogging over in her own dress and new glasses. They were cute wireframes with a Tiffany blue on the inside of them. She smiled. “Hey, have you heard from Mason and Delilah?” I frowned, watching Mikey walk over to Carol. “No, why? They’re not here?” Morgan frowned. “No. And they were supposed to be here a half hour go. He’s not picking up either. I’m really worried.”

 

Although it made a bolt of anxiety go through me, I reassured her. “I’m sure everything is fine.Let’s just wait a little longer before we really start to worry.” 

 

Max wiggled in my arms, whining. I chuckled. “Guess he wants down.” Morgan smiled, holding his little hand as he stood. “I can watch him.”“Thank you. I’m going to go help Carol.”

 

I walked over to her. She was standing on a small ladder, her feet and legs covered by pantyhose, it looked dangerous. I frowned. “You really should be wearing shoes for this. You could fall.” Carol smiled at me. “Then luck must be on my side, I haven’t fallen yet and I’ve been here for a few hours.” She finished the decoration before carefully climbing down.

 

Once she stood on both feet on the hardwoood floor I felt a lot better. She smiled. “See? I’m fine.”

 

I let out a breath but smiled. “I see. How’s the decorations going?” “Pretty well. I was just finishing up. The cake is in the kitchen and the caterer should be here any minute. Along with family.”

 

Suddenly the doors burst open, making us jump but relived when we saw it was Mason and Delilah. Mason in his formal army uniform but barely put together. The tie was loose and the buttons half done. Delilah holding her dress over her shoulder, right now just wearing yoga pants and a tee shirt. Mason panted. “We’re here! Sorry were so late!” We all walked over, Carol softly glaring at him. “Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick.”

 

Mason sighed. “Well she forgot her phone and mine died. I forgot to charge it last night. I went to call you to let you know we were stuck in traffic and it died.”Carol nodded. “Well go get ready, family is gonna start getting here any minute, along with the priest.”I chuckled as she shooed Mason and Delilah away. “At least they’re here now.” Carol smiled. “Yes. I can finally relax a little. I’m going go get the cake set up out here.”

 

As soon as Carol left the doors opened again and carols parents along with my aunt and uncle walked though. I greeted them with a smile.

 

The rest of the time went by in a blur. Delilah’s friends and bridesmaids showed up, dressed in the dresses that they picked out. (They were a lavender color with an embroidered floral design) with Delilah’s dress very similar in design but white and flowing down to her feet.

 

Seeing Mason brought tears to my eyes. He’s never looked so grown up, I remember when he was four and scraped his knee, crying to Margret and I.

 

And now he’s grown and going into the army and getting married. 

 

The priest smiled. “Do you Mason, take Delilah to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold? In sickness and in health? For better or worse, until death do you part?” Mason smiled, holding Delilah’s hands a little tighter. “I do.” The priest said the same to her and with a tearfully happy smile she said “I do.”

 

The priest smiled. “Then by the power vested in me and the state of New York, you may kiss the bride.” Mason smiled, coming closer, taking her face in his large hand and kissing her.

 

I had to wipe away my own tears. My babies are grown up. He’s married, in the army and I now have a daughter-in-law. Carol smiled at me, holding my hand. “He’s all grown up Marshall.” I smiled, wiping a few tears away. “I just wish Margret could be here to see it.” “I’m sure she’s seeing it.”

 

The two newlyweds turned, holding hands. The priest smiled. “I now give you Mr. and Mrs. Mason Crawford!” Everyone clapped as they walked down the aisle that was made for them and the priest talked again. “Now let’s celebrate.”

 

The whole occasion went by too fast. She threw the bouquet, Mason threw her garder and they danced their first dance as husband and wife.

 

But I felt sick.

 

But it wasn’t from the emotions of today. That I knew. I rushed to the bathroom, I think Carol saw it.

 

I was nearly done vomiting up the cake and drink I just had when I felt Carols hand on my back and her soft voice in my ear. “Are you ok? Eat something bad?” I shook my head, coughing, flushing the toilet. “I think I forgot my medication. I don’t remember taking it.” She frowned. “Not at all?” I shook my head, standing shakily.

 

“No. Today’s been a whirlwind. It completely slipped my mind.” “You should take it as soon as you get home.” I sighed. “I’ll wait until morning. I’ll be fine, I can just have a ginger ale. I don’t want to accidentally take too much.” She just nodded, going to the sink and bringing a plastic up of water over. “Here, rinse your mouth out. I’ll go find you some ginger ale.”

 

The night didn’t get much better.Once home I felt nauseous and had cold sweats. Carol felt my head as we got into the bedroom. “You look awful. You really should go take your medication.” I shook my head, feeling the death.

 

Just the movement from shaking my head made my head pound and vision blur. “No. It’s just a few hours. I’ll be fine.” She sighed. “Fine. Then at least let me help you. Let’s get you a shower, you’ll feel better.”

 

Once in the bathroom I started to undress as Carol went to the counter, looking at my Zoloft bottle. She frowned, picking it up. “Shit. You’re empty, do you have a refill waiting for you?” I groaned as I struggled to bend to take my shoes off. “No. I have to call it in. We’ve been so busy planning this going away party I forgot.”

 

She gave me a soft glare, placing the bottle on the counter, coming to help me undress. “First thing in the morning were calling your therapist.” “After Mason leaves. I don’t want to miss that.” She gave me another soft glare. “Marshall, you have to think about your heath. Mason would understand if you couldn’t make it.”

 

I turned, a little too quickly, feeling lightheaded. “He’s going into the Army Carol, I cant miss him leaving. Anything could happen to him.” Carol sighed. “I know but I want you to make sure your take care of yourself. I love you, I’m just looking out for you.”I let out a breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be snippy. I know you’re just looking out for me. I’m gonna start the shower now.” She gave a nod. “I’ll be right here.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

Marshall

I think I’m going to quit my medication. It’s been two days and I’ve only had flu like symptoms of withdrawal. Maybe if I can get through this I can be myself, I can be without medication.

I’ve did what research I can when I’m not throwing up or near passing out and found it can take up to a year or more to be fully off the medication. It sounds pretty impossible to do, to feel this way for over a year? And to risk fighting with Carol because she won’t back down from the opposite standpoint that I should take my medication.

But I just want to stop.

I don’t want to have to remember to take that little pill every morning and night. I want my old life back.   
Even with the pills it doesn’t completely help. I still have many bad days and although I know that’s normal I feel like they’re too many, maybe it’s not working, maybe I can start over. Try harder to not need them, to cope better.

Right now I was stuck in bed, a fever and aches and occasionally having to run to the bathroom to throw up. Carol walked in and frowned as she sat on the bed, concern on her face. “You’ve been like this for three days, have you taken anything?” “I know I’ve been like this for three days, I missed Mason leaving.” I said, a little sharply, a lot miserable.

Carol gave me a softly stern look, a mom looks she’s become experienced with. “I’m serious Marshall, have you taken anything? Can you hold down anything?”

“I think so and no, I haven’t taken anything.” She stood up from the bed. “I’ll make you some soup and bring you some Advil and tea.” I just gave a weak nod and turned over.

The flu-like symptoms lasted nearly two weeks. Once I felt well, other symptoms started showing up. When I thought I was well enough to go back to work, I had a panic attack, completely out of the blue, with no trigger. I was lucky I made it to the banks restroom to attempt to calm myself but when it passed it was obvious something happened, no matter how much I washed my face with cold water.

And they kept happening.

A few times I’d have to pull over the car because panicwould grip me so suddenly and tightly I thought I was having a heart attack which made the panic worse.

At home I was the most calm with a few other side effects of restlessness which was manageable. But the panic attacks still happened with no trigger.

While prepping dinner one gripped me in its grasp, making me shake with anxiety and almost immediately start hyperventilating. Mikey Unfortunately saw it as he came in the kitchen, seeing me kneeling and trying to keep my breathing in check. He came over quickly. “Daddy! Daddy, are you ok?!” I barely managed to look at him, tears in my eyes. “Get mom.”

I told him, so quiet I’m surprised he heard me, my throat had such a lump in it as he ran, yelling for carol who was cleaning upstairs.

A sob escaped me, feeling so shameful, so embarrassed my own child had to witness me in this state. It didn’t help the breathing, I was nearly light headed as I heard rushed footsteps down the squeaky staircase.

I heard Mikey talking to Carol, in tears himself. “Is daddy gonna die? Should I call 911?” Carol looked at him. “No, he’ll be ok. Just go upstairs, ok?” I didn’t see him run off but I felt Carols hands on my face, lifting it up to see her.

She looked so worried. “Marshall? Marshall, can you hear me? Can you talk?” I nodded, breathing starting to get under control in her steady hands but barely. My voice came out shuddered and rough. “Yes.” “Can you tell me what’s happening? Did something trigger this?” I shook my head, leaning into her, letting her be my rock. “No. Nothing.” She warped her arms around me and ran her fingers through my hair. “Just breathe with me. Ok? It’s ok.”

Within moments my breathing was returning to normal and she sensed this, pulling with with concern. “Are you ok?” I nodded. “Yeah. I’m so sorry about this.” “Don’t be, sometimes they just sneak up on you.” I swallowed, starting to stand with the help of Carol. “Mikey saw it.” “Thank god he did, he came and got me to help you.” “I would have been fine, I’ve been handling the rest just fine all week.”

I knew I made a mistake. She didn’t know about the other attacks. She pulled with a look. “You’ve had other panic attack’s with no trigger? And you didn’t tell me?” I let out a breath. “Yes because I didn’t want to worry you, I handled them.” “That’s not the point. My point is I’m your wife, I’ve seen you at your worst and you didn’t want to tell me you had sudden panic attack a all week? Why?”

I glared softly, feeling oddly irritable. “I just told you, I didn’t want to worry you with something I can handle.” She crosses her arms. “Yes because you seemed to be handling it so well on your own.”

It hurt and I nearly flinched at her words but they were deserved. Carol sighed as she held my hand. “Look, I’m just worried about you. Mikey May have just saw a panic attack but you used to have full blown hallucinations. You have two young children to take care of, what if they they see you like that? Mikey wouldn’t know what to do and Max is only three. They wouldn’t be able to help you.” “I know.” I say softly, I continued, turning toward her. “I’m sorry I kept it from you. But I have it under control.” She sighed. “Alright. Go talk to Mikey and I’ll continue dinner.”

I gave her a quick kiss before heading upstairs to Mikey who was in Max’s nursery, talking to him, max sitting up in his crib and his full attention on Mikey but he kept rubbing his eyes. I got his little glasses from the drawer. “Here son.” I said as I walked over, Mikey giving me room as I gently placed the glasses over Max’s head, making him whine and struggle but smile when he realized he could see.

Mikey looked up at me sadly. “Daddy, are you ok now?” I kneeled down to his level, letting out a sigh. “I think so. Thank you for getting mom, she helped a lot, you did good.” “What happened? I thought you were dying.” I chuckled weakly, fully sitting down on the ground and bringing him into my lap. “What happened is called a panic attack. You see sometimes my brain gets scared of things that I’m not aware of and this causes a lot of panic. You know what panic is?”

Mikey looked thoughtful. “I think so. That’s when you feel really scared.” “Yes, to a point. Sometimes you don’t even have to be scared just…maybe you have a homework deadline and you forgot about it until the day it’s due.” Mikey nodded, understanding. I continued. “Well, that’s sorta what happens to me. My head thinks there’s something to panic about but there’s nothing.” “Oh. Ok. Will it happen again?” I sighed. “I hope not but it probably will and I have you and mom to help.” Mikey smiled. “Yeah! I can be like Aunt Delilah and help you!” “Exactly!” I said, chuckling.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

  
Marshall

The days got worse.

My sickness went away but my mind is shattering. I can feel it while I scramble to keep it together; like holding water in your hands, slipping through your fingers.

It’s a struggle to get through work and home without worrying Carol too much. Or the kids. Maybe I was an idiot for stopping the meds, maybe I wasn’t. Maybe after the year is out I’ll be fine but right now I’m not.

I’ve been hallucinating and although it’s somewhat normal for me, the occurrence isn’t.

I scared my poor coworker (at a bank I was unfamiliar with, visiting) and while talking I suddenly saw Margret, standing in the lobby, face pale as a sheet of paper and blonde hair limp. Her clothing dirty, like she had been buried in it, like she dug herself out. Then I remembered; that was the dress we buried her in;Light blue with daisies and a sweetheart cut. And she looked so sad at me, tears falling down her face.

She walked toward me, I could only stare in fear, rooted to the spot, her heels clicking on the lobby floor. I vaguely heard my coworker talking to me, trying to bring me back.

Margret reached out to me, crying, wanting me. But she was dead. And buried and isn’t here. I jumped, crying out, shaking. “Please..you’re not real. You’re dead.” But that only caused her to cry more. “Marshall.. I miss you so much.” I backed away and she walked through the desk and register and chairs. I was hyperventilating, finding myself backed into the drive-through desk and she came closer and closer, reaching out, the lights going out, the room was so dark. Was it always this dark?

It was only Margret I saw. And darkness. I saw her chest was bleeding, starting to stain her dress and drop down to the floor with each pump of her heart. That part of her dress falling away to revel part of he rib cage and her beating heart.

“Please… Marshall.. I miss you.” I lashed out, wanting her to go away and she was gone, the darkness was gone and was left staring at my worried coworkers faces as I shook like a leaf.

One of them looked at another coworker. “Get him some water.” The one ran off. “Marshall, are you ok? You gave us quite a fright.” I planted, starting to get back under control. “I’m fine. Sorry, I’m..I’m starting to get off some medication. Side effects.” She gave an understanding nod. “Oh I know, those side effects are killer.”

It’s even worse at home. Carol, Mikey and I will be having dinner, Carol aiding Max to eat as she talked about her day when Margret appears in her seat that always is empty. Pale as paper and blue dress stained with dirt as she looked pleadingly at me. It takes all I have to ignore her, pay attention to Carol.

But Margret will cry, looking at Mikey who’s grown since she passed and Max who was happily eating with Carols help. “Marshall, I miss them.” I ignore her and continue eating or attempting to eat.

“Marshall. Marshall do you hear me? I miss them. I miss you.”   
My hands were shaking and Margret got louder, somehow loud enough I couldn’t hear Carol talking to Max. “Marshall look at me!” I closed my eyes, counting to ten in my head, hoping she was gone.

But when I opened them she was inches from my face, angry, ribcage showing and her heart beating blood onto the table as she kneeled in front of me. I cried out, staring at her pale green eyes.

I knew Carol was staring at me, worried. I muttered an excuse me and walked out of the room and upstairs to the bathroom, locking the door, as if it could keep Margrets hallucination out as a worse one came.

“Running away from your problems boy?” I swallowed, seeing Uncle Jed, every bad memory and bad touch coming back. I could only whimper, kneeling to the ground with shaking limbs. “No…no..”

Suddenly I wasn’t in my bathroom anymore but his basement. Dark and damp and slippery with blood.   
I heard whimpering and saw a woman, still alive on his table and and felt ice go down my back when I realized it was Margret.

Uncle Jed’s hands were on my face, tight and painful, making me look at him. “See that boy? That’s your failure right there. Didn’t you promise you would protect her? That she wouldn’t get hurt?”

I shook, a lump in my throat as I heard Margret whimper in pain. “Speak boy! Or are you too chicken shit for even that?” I spoke, shakily. “Yes.” “And look where your failure has gotten her.”

Uncle Jed threw me to the ground before he walked over to the table. I saw Margret struggle, crying, trying to reach out to me. “Marshall..help me.. please..” I could only sob, I tried to move, to help but I was rooted to the spot as Uncle Jed walked over, knife in hand.

Just as he was about to tear into Margrets chest it was gone, leaving me reeling and terrified, too terrified to move.

Eventually I realized the hallucination was gone, for now. I stood, shakily, using the sink as leverage.

I saw myself in the mirror; exhausted, sweating and terrified. Maybe it’s not safe to be off the medication. Maybe I do need to be on it the rest of my life. But I already told my doctor I was canceling the prescription, hopefully getting it refilled again won’t be an issue.

There was a knock on the door. Carols concerned voice muffled by the door. “Marshall, what’s going on? Are you ok?” I wasn’t sure how to reply, tears welled in my eyes. “Ok, I’m coming in.” She said as she opened the door gently. She softened as she saw me, I probably looked like a frightened animal to her.

She spoke quietly. “Are you having an episode?” I swallowed, nodding, not quite ready to talk. She came over to me, hands up as she started to rub my arms gently, turning me towards her. “Tell me how I can help.” “I don’t know.” I said shakily. “I keep seeing her.” “Margret?” “Yeah. It’s like she’s haunting me but it happens at work too.” My lip trembled, I pulled at my hair to get a hold of myself. “Fuck..”

“it’ll be ok. You need to talk to your doctor and get back on your medication. I understand you don’t want to be on it your entire life but you may not have a choice. You may have to. Until you talk to her we can take some time off, it might be better if these hallucinations are happening at work as well. For right now why don’t you get dressed for bed and get some rest, I can bring you some tea.” I just nodded, letting her take control in my out of control life.

I did what she said as she started making tea in the kitchen. I crawled into bed and whimpered seeing Margret laying across from me, staring with dead eyes and blood staining the sheets.

I let out a shaking breath and she talked. “Marshall, I miss you. Don’t you miss me?” “Of course I do.” I said thickly. “Then find me. I’m not dead, please.” I just closed my eyes and pretended she wasn’t there but I could still hear her, crying.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

  
  
Marshall  
  
“Marshall? Can you tell me why you suddenly stopped your medication?” I heard my doctor ask. She looked mildly concerned, hands clasped together over her crossed knee.  
  
I swallowed, still shaking with anxiety, feeling I may see Margret at any moment. “I just…I just hate having to take it . Every day. It makes me feel like I’m different. That I have to take a pill to be normal.” She had a soft look. “Oh Marshall. Do you know how many people use and rely on antidepressants and anti-anxiety? Over 34.4 million users. You’re not alone in this. Now, why do you want back on your medication? What’s been going on?”  
  
“The side effects are very harsh and I think I was wrong when I thought I could be without it. I keep seeing Margret everywhere. Its interfering with my work, with my home.” “How is Margret in these hallucinations?” I ran shaking hands through my hair. “Dead, like she dug her way out from her gave. Her skin pale and hair pale, her dress dirty and her heart is exposed. Its normally bleeding, and she keeps telling me how much she misses me and the kids.” “Do you think its a guilty conscience presenting itself to you?” “No. I know its not.” “What do you think it is then?” she asked in a matter-of-fact tone. I sighed. “I’m not over her. I’m not sure I ever will be. I hate that. It makes me feel guilty.” “Because of carol?”  
  
I nodded. “Yeah.” I said quietly. “Marshall, you know by not being over her its not cheating? Some people move on from loss and some don’t. And thats ok.” “Is it?” I said, my voice near shaking, my hands shaking again. “Of course it is. Loss is relative. We all experience differently.” “I just want my old life back. I love carol, so much. Lord knows I do and I probably need her more than I think I do but if I had the chance, I’d go back to my old life and try to keep Margret as long as possible. If I could go back in time and… and try to save her, give her CPR, I would.”

My voice choked up, wiping tears away quickly. “Marshall, I have a belief, I want you to think about it and I hope it can help but I believe when people die that was their time. In time travel terms they are fixed points in time. That means if someone were to go back in time to save them, then there would be worldly consequences .” “I understand.” “I want you to think about it. Perhaps Margret is one of those fixed points in time. Perhaps that was always her end.”  
  
I stayed quiet, pondering the scenario he gave me. She started writing on her prescription pad before handing it to me. “Here is the prescription of your medication. I’m going to call it in as soon as were done. If your hallucinations still continue please let me know and we can work something out.”  
  
I just nodded as she handed me a copy of the prescription. We talked a bit more before our time was up and I left. As I got in my car I jumped, crying out as I saw Margrets dead body in the passenger seat. She spoke, sad and soft. “Please…I miss you. Come find me.” I shook my head, gripping my hair. “No, no, you’re dead.” “I’m not. Please, come find me.” “No, you’re dead.”

I kept saying, like a mantra, trying to convince myself she is dead, she isn’t secretly alive in the ground.  
  
I did my best to ignore her, starting the car with shaking hands and drove into the city street. But she kept staring at me. I could hear her crying, I could see the blood from her exposed heart bleeding over her dress and onto the seat. I eventually had enough, turning into an alley, and struggling not to break down, struggling to keep my sanity in tact, or whats left of it.  
  
She was crying into her hands, make up smeared and blood never ceasing to drip drop and I had enough, getting out of the car and pacing like an angry cat. I saw Margret get out, walking over to me and I stopped her with a shaking hand, signaling her to stop. “No, no, get away from me, you’re dead.” She walked closer to me, longing, nearly begging me as she whimpered. “Please…I’m not dead. You just have to find me.” I sucked in a shaking breath. “I…I can’t…I can’t..”  
  
“Excuse me?” I was startled, turning to see a young girl, blonde hair, green eyes. Margret still next to me and their appprences uncanny. I just stared at her, feeling that familiar lust for blood pumping through my veins. She walked closer carefully. “Itjust looked like you had car trouble. Do you need any help?”

I swallowed, walking closer, noticing no one was around, no cameras. No help for her. She seemed to sense what was about to happen as she started backing away but she was too late as I managed to grab her and bash her head against the side of my car. She cried out, struggling in my hold as I brought her face against the concrete over and over again until I felt a hand on my shoulder, hearing Margrets voice in my ear. “Now come find me.” I swallowed, looking at my bloodied hands and dead body on the ground, bleeding.

I got up, shakily getting into my car and driving out to Margrets plot an hour from here. Carol sent me a text and I looked at it, feeling a pang of guilt that I was making her worry.  
  
“everything ok? Your session running longer than normal?”  
  
I debated on what to say and found nothing would help so I ignored it and kept driving, ignoring how Margret watched me drive, her hand trailing over mine.

Her hand felt cold and it made me shiver. I muttered to myself. “You’re dead. You’re dead, I’ll even prove it.”

I parked inside the cemetery, going around and getting the emergency shovel out of the back. I stomped over, feeling Margaret’s eyes watching me, muttering. “I’ll prove it..I’ll prove you’re dead.”

She just watched as I brought the shovel down to the ground with a cry. It was a small shovel, one designed to dig out ice and snow than hard dirt.

I was shaking so bad I felt I may fall over, I watched as the dirt slowly built up in a pile next to me.

“Hey! What are you doing?!” I heard someone yell. I stopped, staring at my hands holding the shovel, seeing the desecration of Margrets grave. The groundskeeper came closer, flashlight in hand.

My voice shook, hands shaking. “I…I had to prove she’s dead. She keeps telling me to find her and she’s dead, I had to prove it.” The groundskeeper looked scared. “Ok. Uh…why…why don’t you follow me? I can get you some water.”

He walked slowly toward me and I nearly jumped when he touched my shoulder, the shovel falling as I let him escort me to his office, staring at my dirt and blood covered hands.


	7. Chapter 7

  
Carol  
This wasn’t like Marshall. I was getting scared something may have happened. He always responds to my texts and this one I knew he ignored.

The little grey text below my   
message saying “read at 7:45PM” mocking me.

Did something happen when he was going to reply or is he actively ignoring it? It was a struggle to get Max ready for bed as Marshall is almost always there to read him to bed, it was he’s routine. But now that routine is broken and Max won’t stop crying.

I paced with him, held him close and gently shushed him. I gave him a warm bath, listened to music, nothing seems to calm him. I sighed, feeling overwhelmed. “Shh it’s ok. It’s ok Max, I know you’re tired.”

Suddenly my phone rang in my pocket. I managed to get my phone and hold Max at the same time and saw it was a number I didn’t know. I normally hang up on these calls but something told me to answer. It could be a hospital, Marshall could be hurt.

I picked up, bringing the phone to my ear. “Hello?” It was a small struggle to hear them with Max whimpering and crying. “Is this Carol Crawford?” “Yes?” “This is the East Hampton Police department, Im officer Smith you’re husband is in our custody.” “Oh my god, is he ok? Did something happen?” “We don’t want to discuss it over the phone, we need you to come down here right away.” I looked at Max’s red, sad face and sighed heavily. “Ok. I’ll be there.” I hung up and thought of who I could call to baby-sit.

Thankfully Charles and Beth across the street were happy to help. Mikey frowned as he stood in their doorway, Max in Beth’s arms. “Is daddy ok?” I gave him a smile, wishing I could believe it myself. “He’s just fine. He got into a little trouble, that’s all.”

Charles spoke, holding the baby bag. “Please, keep us updated. I hope Marshall is alright.” Beth frowned. “He’s been ever so good to us. It’s a shame for something to happen to him.” “I’m sure he’s fine, just a fender bender that’s gotten out of control, I’m sure. Thank you again for watching them.”

I quickly got to my Jeep and drove the twenty minutes to the police station. I was shaking. What could have possibly happened that Marshall is here? And why couldn’t they tell me over the phone?  
I walked in and went to the desk. “I’m here to pick up Marshall Crawford, I’m his wife, Carol.”

The officer looked at me. “I’ll call the detective down. They’ll want to talk to you.” I frowned, more and more unease coiling in my gut. What was going on? Why wouldn’t they tell me? “Can I at least see him? Is he ok?” “You’ll have to talk to the detective.”

I felt my hands shake with anxiety as I sat down. It felt like hours before the detective came over to me, a blonde woman with her hair tight in a bun. “Mrs.Crawford?” “Yes?” “I’m Detective Elizabeth Angel, if you could come with me.”  
I followed like a sheep and found I was led to an interrogation room. “Please, sit down. I just have some questions.”

I sat down and let out a shaking breath. “What’s going on? Is he dead or something?” “No. Not at all. Mrs.Crasford-“ “Please. Call me Carol.” We’ve been married for two years and it just feels wrong to be called by that last name.

Detective Angel nodded. “Carol. Tonight at 8:12PM your husband was taken into custody for decoration of a grave and possibly murder.”

My eyes bugged out. “Murder? No, that can’t be right. He would never harm a fly.” “The groundskeeper of the cemetery found him digging up a grave labeled Margret Ann Crawford with blood on his hands and a blood stained dent on his cars driver side door. We’re still investigating but for now he’s going to be held here until answers come to light.”

My head felt like it was spinning. “This can’t be real. He couldn’t have killed anyone.” “But he can dig up a grave?” I looked away. “Marshall has always had mental issues, when he was off his medication he was really bad. He went to his therapist to get his prescription refilled and talk about why he thought ending was a good idea. I don’t know what could have caused him to dig up her grave but he couldn’t have killed anyone, he’s harmless.” “That’s not what his file says.” “File?”

The detective let out a breath. “February 18th, 2017, both of you were at a charity function when he was provoked by his former wife’s mother, he strangled her and broke her nose.” “He was provoked. I know it probably isn’t an excuse but she knew who he was and kept egging him on. And you don’t know his history with them, his wife’s parents were abusive and cruel. He’s hated them with a passion since day one. They always acted like she never existed and on the chance Margret called them, they would tell her to kill herself or starve herself more.”

  
The detective sighed. “I’m sorry to hear that but I promise, I will do all I can to figure this out. We’re going to bring him in for questioning if you want to watch from the two-way mirror.” “Can I see him first?” I asked, nearly pleading. “After we question him. I don’t want him holding back answers because he knows you’re here.” I nodded, I hated it made sense. I just wanted to know he was ok.

I was escorted to the next room over, able to see clearly through the two-way glass. I paced and my hands shook as I waited until they both were in the next room.  
Finally they arrived, Marshall handcuffed to the table for safety measures. I hated how he looked like a criminal but looking him over his eyes didn’t seem all here, dirt and blood stained his crisp white shirt and hands. He was looking more like Patrick Bateman than the Marshall Crawford I knew and loved.

Detective Angel sat in front of him. “Hello again Mr. Crawford, you know we have to stop meeting like this.” She kept it light, trying to ease him out of his head. He swallowed. “I’m…I’m sorry you have to see me like this.” “It’s ok. I just have a few questions.” She answered as if answering a scared five year old.

“Can you tell me why you were digging up your late wife’s grave?” “I had to prove she was dead. To her.” “To her?” “She keeps following me. She keeps saying she missed me, misses the kids but she’s dead and she can’t accept it.” The Detective nodded and my heart aches badly for Marshall. I wanted to go through this glass and hold him and protect him from everything, even himself.

“And the blood? How did that get there? It was also found on your car in a head sized dent.” Marshall suddenly looked fear stricken. “Am I going to jail? Are they gonna kill me?” “No. No, of course not. We just want to help you. We want to know what happened.” Again, the same soft, careful tone.

His hands were shaking as he took in a shaking breath. “Margret wouldn’t stop following me. Haunting me. I pulled into an alley to tell her she’s dead when a girl…interrupted us. She…she looked so much like Margret. I took her head and bashed it against the door before doing the same on the street again and again and again. Until Margret stopped me. After that I drove to the cemetery to prove she’s really dead.”

“So you killed someone? Because they looked like your wife?”  
An icy bolt of fear shot trough me and disbelief. This wasn’t real. This wasn’t Marshall. It was a demon impersonating him. They continued.

“Yes. She…she can’t have that face. That’s Margrets face, only she can have it.” “What did your wife look like?” Marshall wasn’t even looking at the Detective as he answered. “She was beautiful. Golden hair and big green eyes.” The Detective nodded. “I’ll be right back.”  
I had hoped the detective was coming for me, to let me see him, to shake sense into him but she came back with several files, placing them onto the table before taking out several photos of women, all look strikingly similar to Margret. “Do you know any of these women?”

Marshall seemed to tense, hands clenching and unclenching. “Yes.” “How do you know them?” “I killed them.” “How you killed the one woman tonight?” “Yes. They all had her face, they can’t have her face.”

I was in a different reality, a nightmare, this couldn’t be real. The detective seemed to be in some shock as well, just staring between Marshall and the pictures before excusing herself and walking out of the room, leaving me alone to watch Marshall who was unknown I was even here, listening to ever, horrible word.

  
He put his head in his hands, running them through his already askew hair, making him look even more manic before he spoke to nothing. “This is all your fault. Why won’t you leave me alone?” He paused, looking at the one corner of the room. “you’re dead. You’re dead, stop it.” He said shakily, bringing his hands to his ears as he whimpered.

I wasn’t sure to rush in there and help him or to stay. I’m sure it won’t look good if I rush in, or good for his already unstable mental health. I stayed, watched and wiped tears from my eyes with shaking hands. This was unreal. This couldn’t be happening.  
Suddenly my door opened and it was the Detective and another, older man.

She spoke. “Carol, we’d like to speak with you a moment before we make any rash decisions.” I walked closer. “what kind of rash decisions?” she frowned, speaking quietly. “before we decide to arrest him. Please, follow us.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, giving one last look to Marshall before walking out of the room.

I was escorted to an office, the detective closing the door. The older man sighed, introducing himself as he sat down. “Carol, I’m Lietenant Grayson. We’ve been looking for the No-Face killer for the past three years and from what your husband is saying, its him. But I want to be sure before we arrest him fully, its obvious he has mental problems. Whats he like? First off, a basis of his personality.”

I sat down, letting out a breath. “He’s never been aggressive. He’s always been kind and loving to his family and friends. I’ve barely seen him show an ounce of legitimate anger other than that night at the charity gala but that was different. He couldn’t have done these murders. He has issues, always has but never to this degree.”

“is he on any medications that would cause aggressive behavior?”  
“Zoloft but once again, he’s never been aggressive, even on it. It helped him so much. It was only after he was off of it cold turkey that he was at his worst. But never angry. He had a lot of anxiety, a lot of hallucinations but he never lashed out. He was sick a lot.”

“how long ago did he go cold turkey?” “about a month. He was visiting with his therapist today to get it refilled.” grayson nodded. “I think, for right now, it would be best to have him held in a mental hospital, until he is back on his meds, so he can speak to us, clearly and coherently. Right now, he’s confessing to a lot we we can’t 100% say he’s its all true because of his mental instability.”

I sighed shakily, wiping tears. “probably for the best. I just don’t know what to tell the kids.” the Detective rowned softly. “I’m so sorry about this. I’m sure it isn’t easy.” “what hospital will he be at?” “I’m going to give the closest one a call and I will let you know, of course. I’ll also need the number for his therapist.“

“can I see him?” I asked, my voice wobbly. I felt so emotionally stretched. So thin I could break. Greayson nodded. “Of course. Detective, please, show her to him.”

I was shaking the entire walk. It felt like I would be meeting a stranger impersonating my best friend, my husband. She opened the door softly. “Marshall, you have a visitor.” she announced and opened the door fully for me. I walked in and he whimpered, hiding his face in his handcuffed hands; bloody and dirty. “No..no,I cant see her,she’ll hate me.”

I brought the chair around from the table, sitting next to him and holding his hands, ignoring the dry dirt and blood. “no, no marshal, its ok. I could never hate you.” I said, my voice suddenly thick. He looked at me, tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry..I…I couldn’t help myself. I hurt that girl, killed her.” I sucked in a shaking breath. “I know. I still love you. For better or worse right?” he was quiet, a whimper escaping. I brought my arms around him, kissing his head best I could. “I love you no matter what. I promise.”


	8. Chapter 8

  
Carol

They sent Marshall to a mental hospital over two hours away. Once I got home at nearly midnight, exhausted and emotionally drained, I knew I had few options.

One was being unable to visit or help because it’s over two hours away but I hated that thought. I wanted more than anything to help him.

But moving? What about the kids? Mikey and Max won’t be happy and I can’t watch them and help Marshall at the same time.

I felt angry tears fill my eyes as I sat on our bed.

Fuck, this was a messed up situation but nothing will get done if I sit here and cry about it.

I’d have to call my parents in the morning and see if they have any ideas.

For now I went through the motions and got ready for bed before falling asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

In the morning I called off and let them know Marshal won’t be in for perhaps a long time before calling my parents.

“Hello sweetie, what’s going on?”  
I sighed, not sure how to talk about this. “Mom, I have a situation.” “Are you pregnant? Are you and Marshall adding a fourth?” My mom asked happily. She loved all her grandkids, even if they were by marriage. She always sends Morgan care packages to her and wants to do the same with Mason as soon as she finds he’s deployed.

“No but at this point I wish it was that. Right now Marshall is staying in a mental hospital. Last night he was taken into police custody because he was caught digging up Margrets grave and according to police, possibly murdered someone.”

My mom was quiet. “That was not what I was expecting. What’s going on? Murdered someone?” “I don’t know. He’s been off his meds and he’s been hallucinating, having severe anxiety and just all around messed up and right now I don’t know what’s true and what isn’t because he was confessing to the no-face murders but right now me and the police department want to talk to him when his mind is clear and not as unstable as it is which is why he’s staying at a mental hospital. The hospital is over two hours away and I don’t know what to do.”

“Why So far away?” “Well there isn’t a lot of mental hospitals in East Hampton, clinics but not hospitals. None of them were suited for someone of his type of case so that’s why. But I don’t know how to be there for him if he’s so far away. I’d have to move because I can’t keep driving five hours every day just to help.”

“What if you move there? Temporary.” I sighed, starting the tea kettle. “What about Mikey and Max?” “Well we can watch them. They could stay with us while you clear all this up.” I frowned, that seemed like a lot. “Are you sure mom?” “Of course! I’d love to spend time with my grand babies!”   
I nodded, feeling a little relieved. “I guess I’ll start looking for apartments and work in that area.”

I worked all day to find the closest apartment to the hospital he’s staying at and looking at jobs if that became necessary. (banking ones before branching out,close by with flexible hours)

I wasn’t sure how to do all this. It was so much. Suddenly my phone went off and it was my mom again. I picked up. “Yeah?” “Let me know when you are doing this. Moving is hard to do and your dad, sister and I are helping.” I cringed that my sister would be helping. She could be condescending. “I will.”

After that call I called the mental hospital, making sure coming in every day was a good idea.   
The nurse was very happy with that idea. “That’s a wonderful idea. Not enough family of patients visit or want to help.” “Really? That’s so sad to think about but thank you. I’ll be down as soon as possible. Since it’s so far away I’m going to have to move temporarily so it may be a few days before I can visit.” “Of course. I promise you, Marshall is in good hands here.” “Ok. Thank you.” I hung up and felt a little better about this.

I still worried. It was hard to tell Miley exactly what’s going on. It’s always difficult to tell a child their parent is sick but even more difficult when it’s their mind that’s sick.

“Why can’t we come with you? I want to help daddy too.” He said, pouting. I frowned, holding him close as we sat on his bed. “I know you do but you still have school and I’m going to be helping daddy a lot through the day so I won’t have time to help you.” He still pouted but he looked up at me, big green eyes watery. “Can you make him better? I miss him.” “I’m going to do my best, I promise. I’ll call everyday and tell you all about it.”

After that the next few days went by in a blur, packing my things I’d need and the kids going with my parents and a copy of the keys going to Charles and Beth to watch the house.

And then I was gone. Moved into a small apartment in Brooklyn that was a ten minute ride to the mental hospital. As soon as I got the boxes into the apartment and a key in my hand, I left and went to the hospital to see Marshall for the first time in four days.

The building from the outside looked old, needing repainted and cleaned and possibly haunted but the inside was anything but.

It was clean and white and sterile and smelled of cleaning solution. I went to the desk, it was nearly 4PM. “I’m Marshall’s wife, Carol, I’m here to see him and help out.” The nurse smile. “Of course. We’ve been wondering when you’d show up. Let me get his doctor for you so she can go over how we’ve been treating him.” I nodded to the young lady. “Thank you.”

There were several waiting seats but I stood, seeing a few patients down the hall and in a large red room. Some wondering with no clear purpose, some playing bird games and others alone.

“Mrs. Crawford?” I turned, seeing the doctor. I gave a polite smile, ignoring the worry welling inside me. “Carol is fine.” “Alright I’m Dr. Sarah Harmon, I’m overseeing Marshall’s treatment, let’s go to my office.” I just followed. Dr. Harmon was around my age, maybe a few years older with ginger hair that curled.

Once inside her office she smiled, sitting down as she brought out Marshall’s file. “So Marshall came to us with quite a bit to work with. From what his therapist told me he was on Zoloft and suddenly off of it. We placed him back on his original dose but he was still having vivid hallucinations of his past wife along with some severe flashbacks.” “Flashbacks?”

I asked. Marshall never really told me too much of his past or life as a child. I know Margrets past more than I ever did his. She nodded sadly. “Unfortunately. He was diagnosed with PTSD when he was fifteen and it lines up with what he told his therapist about his childhood. Since the Zoloft didn’t help the hallucinations like they did before he also put him on a low dose anti-psychotic. He’s slept a lot, a small side effect of the anti-psychotic by when he is awake there’s still much paranoia. He doesn’t want to talk to us. I’m hoping he’ll talk to you.”

I frowned, feeling so out of my element. “I didn’t know he had PTSD. I knew he had problems but I thought those problems only happened because Margret died.” “That he will have to tell you. I can’t tell a patients story What with patient-confidentiality.” I nodded. She smiled as she stood. “Let’s go see him, I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to see you.”

She walked me to the main area where a lot of the patients were to where Marshall was, sitting by the window, arms holding himself and looking more depressed than I’ve ever seen him.

The doctor went to him, gently shaking his shoulder. “Marshall, Carol is here to see you.” Marshall barely looked at her but he looked at me as I sat down on the window seat in front of him.

He looked scared, like he was going to get in trouble or screamed at. The doctor walked away and I decided to start the conversation. “I’ve missed you.” He just stared at me, looking scared. “I moved up here so I can help out more. It’s a bit of a drive to come here form the house.” “Kids?” He asked quietly.

“There with my parents. I haven’t talked to Mason or Morgan. I wanted to wait until all this cleared up.” “But it won’t clear up.” He said cryptically. “It won’t. I killed them. I killed those women.” I frowned. He was still saying he killed them. “Let’s not talk about them, ok? Let’s forget about the police business for a bit and focus on getting you better. Ok?” He stayed silent but gave a little nod.

 


	9. Chapter 9

  
Marshall

I’ve been at this hospital for near a month, head clear but acting like I wasn’t to give myself time.

Time to think.

Time to think on how my life is going to change once I’m outside this facility. Once I’m in the police questioning again and tell them everything.

It almost makes me want to keep lying. Keep pretending to be mentally unsound when the medication has done it’s job. I stay in bed a lot, sleeping or talking to carol when she visits to help. The thought of Carol and my children knowing what I’ve done, for so many years, sickens me with guilt.

But the fact I feel guilty because they know and not guilty the fact I murdered someone made me even more guilty.

Fuck. My mind is a mess.   
I’m a mess. And I can’t keep pretending, eventually they’ll catch on or give me a too large dose I don’t need and I become sick.

So when Carol returned the next day, visiting me by my perch at the large window I gave her a sad smile. “Hey.” Carol smiled a little brighter, she was always the one to start a conversation or greeting. “Hey. How are you feeling today?” “Better. Clearer.” Which was a lie. I could speak with a sound mind and recall everything going on but my mind was far from clear. She smiled again. “That’s really good, have you talk to the doctors yet? We could probably get you out of here soon then.”

“Not yet. You’re the first one I’ve talked to.” She gave a nod. “Want me to get the doctor?” “No. I just want to sit here a bit more with you.” “We can do that.” She said with a soft smile. I’m not sure when I may see that smile again after this. Once I confess to police again and tell them what I’ve done, no doubt Carol will never smile my way again.

I let out a breath, staringout the window. “Have I told you about my childhood?” “No but I’m guessing it isn’t good.” I let out an amused noise but it was filled with sadness. “Far from it. I was born in a cabin in the middle of New Jersey’s woods. The closest civilization was a two hour hike. My mother, she lived there almost her whole life. She came from a very rich family, but she was born illegitimate and a girl. They wanted a son. They then shipped her off to the closest relative which was her Uncle…I think. I don’t know that side of the family tree very well. But..he did bad things. He murdered people, hikers, for food. He had a basement that he would take them too and cut them up while they were still alive.”

I looked at Carol and saw how horrified she looked, face nearly pale. “Oh my god, Marshall..that’s horrific.” I gave a nod. “Yeah. Well one day a ranger came by to investigate the missing persons and my mom, who was older at that point, either tried to keep him quiet or ask for help, I’m foggy on which it was but.. he fucked her behind a tree and he stayed quiet about the murders. But my mother became pregnant in that hell hole.”   
“I can’t even imagine how hard it must have been for her.”

I sighed. “No doctors, no family, no advice. The night I was born she tried to keep as quiet as possible. It was three in the morning, uncle jed and his son, Beu we’re asleep and she didn’t want them to try anything while she was so vulnerable. She managed give birth in his kill room, alone. And she protected me best she could from then on but, it was hard for her to do that in that house.”

“But you made it out. Your mom made it out.” I shook my head. “No. When I was about five uncle jed came into my room and…and raped me. My mother tried to help but she risked being killed by them and if she’s dead then she couldn’t protect me. He raped me and my mother, taught me how to kill, how to slice a human up. Kept me starved so Human was the only thing I’d eat.”

Carol looked away, staring at the floor. “God..Marshall…I had no idea. I’m so sorry. I wish I could go back in time and help you somehow.” I just shrugged. “It’s simply what life gave me. I managed to escape but my mother didn’t. Uncle jed killed her over making me a birthday cake. That might I packed what I had and left. That’s how I met Margret. I collapsed on The closest road I found and she ran to me to help.”

Carol stayed quiet, unsure of what to say. I showed her my forearms. “I know the scars are faded but I used to cut myself, a lot. I attempted suicide a lot when I lived there.” She mumbled. “I don’t blame you for that. Seems like a pretty hellish place to live. Seemed impossible to get out of. And I’ve always known about your scars. I…I just never asked. I never wanted to prey into your personal issues but thank you for telling me all this.” She reached out and held my hand. I held it tightly, wanting her to stay by my side forever like this. She gave a weak smile. “Maybe you can talk to the police now, we can get this mess cleaned up.”

I stayed quiet, held her hand in mine. “Let’s stay here a bit more.” 


	10. Chapter 10

  
Marshall

I felt dread fill my stomach the further away we got from the mental hospital.

I was cleared and released and the police wanted to talk to me as soon as they could. Carol is driving me home, I just wasn’t feeing up to driving. I wasn’t depressed but I could feel my future slowly caving in, my life I’ve worked so hard to build, starting to crack.

Carol noticed what a wreck I was not even an hour into our trip him. My hands were shaking, my eyes watering and I controlled my breathing best I could. Carol frowned, paying attention to driving and me. “Are you ok?” “No.” I said quietly.

She started to pull over, flashers on. I was shocked. “What are you doing?” I said, trying to control my breath. She turned to me, concern in her face and eyes, she reached out, holding my hands. “I want to make sure you’re ok. Is it an anxiety attack?” I took a few shaking breath. “I think so. I’m terrified, what are the kids going to think? How am I going to face them?”

Especially once they know.

Carol rubbed my hands with her thumbs. “They’re going to love you. They’ll understand.” “Will they?” I asked shakily. Thinking of Carol and Masons horrified faces as I confess to the police, Morgan crying because she doesn’t know me anymore.

Carol tilted my head toward her to look in her lovely eyes that held so much warmth and compassion. “Of course they will. They’re actually waiting for you at the house now, it was going to be a surprise welcome but it’s probably better you know.” “Really?”

Carol smiled. “Yeah. They missed you so much, Morgan is in town for it too, Mason has time before being shipped overseas.” “I’ve missed them.” I said, my eyes looking away from carol. I’m not sure why I don’t want her to see me like this, she’s seen me at worst but she just smiled softly at me. “I have too. I’m happy to finally be going home. Doing ok now?”

I took a deep breath, feeling a lot less shaky but the anxiety was still there. “Yeah. I’m ok.” “Good. If it’s too much for you and you have another anxiety attack, let me know, I don’t mind pulling over.” I smiled sadly, I was going to lose this amazing woman once she knows what I’ve done. “Let’s go home.” I said.

As we got closer to home I called the police station, letting them know who I was and that I got out but I’m not ready to talk to them, I’m not ready to have my entire world crumble into pieces again.

I hung up and talked to Carol. “They’re letting me have the week to myself before they want to question me.” Carol smiled, stopping at a red light. “That’s good, you can have some time to yourself. Relax a bit.” “Yeah.” I said. I planned on using the week to spend as much time with my family as possible, before they never want to see or speak to me again.

It was quiet between us for a while, until she spoke, nearly starling me as I zoned out watching the scenery past by in blurs.

“Can I say that I wish it didn’t take this happening to know about your past? I’m your best friend, your wife, I want to know everything about you, even the dark bits.” I looked away from her, she has no idea how dark I am; A devil impersonating an angel. “It’s hard for me to talk about.” “I understand but I love you and I’m here for you no matter what, knowing your past helps me help you better, I understand you more now.” I looked over at her, reaching across to hold her hand on the steering wheel. “I love you too. So much. I…I don’t want you to ever think I don’t.” She smiled softly to me as she stopped at a stop sign. “I know.”

It wasn’t long until we were pulling into the garage. I got out with a deep breath, closing the door. I followed carol up the stairs and through the kitchen to see my family in the living room. Hear the white noise of chatter and laughing.

I was in the entry way when Morgan saw me, smiling and nearly tackling me in a hug, her new glasses digging into my side. “Dad! I’ve missed you so much at college!” I felt my eyes water, hugging her tightly, kissing her head. “I missed you too.”

Suddenly felt small arms wrap around my waist and saw Mikey. I saw Mason and Delilah, Delilah holding Max. Mason smiled at me. “Nice to see you home. We were worried.”

I heard max coo and reach for me. Delilah smiled as she brought him over. “I think someone else missed you too.”

I took max gently and held him close, smiling as my eyes started to water. I was going to lose him. Lose all of them, and soon. I felt Morgan hug me again. “Don’t cry dad.” I smiled through them, wiping them away. “I’m just so happy to be around you all again. I missed you.”

The day went too fast. I came home and watched a movie with my family and before I knew it it was dinner time, my favorite, Spaghetti and meatballs.

I felt oddly numb, like I was in a waiting room for a long time, waiting for the inevitable. Carol came over as I lay awake in bed, having just brushed her teeth as she got in beside me. “You doing ok?” I gave a nod. “Yeah. Just…tired.” It was the only excuse I could give.

She bought it as she cuddled up to me, holding me close. “I know what you mean. Today has been a roller coaster.”

If only she knew the thoughts swarming in my head.

 


End file.
